The Quest for the Bardess

Four years ago when I had finally exercised the Blackened Man from my body (a Demon I had mistaken for a Guardian Angel) I had a vision, in this vision I was walking through the Greenwood (a local wood that I am tied to spiritually) and this woman dressed in a blue cloak (that of a Bard) came out of a clearing into the Fairy Grove (part of the Greenwood). Her hood was over her head so I could not see her face at all but I sensed from her aura a great power, she was of the Light, pure and gracefully following the path of the Goddess in her own way. She began to sing and my whole body went numb, she was easing the pain that had been caused to me, she was helping me forget about the Blackened Man. And with that she walked back into the heart of the Fairy Grove (a place I have never been out of respect for the Fey), I followed her from there with my eyes and she slowly disappeared into the Grove. I awoke that day refreshed and began a new life for myself, like a butterfly leaves behind it's cocoon so did I leave behind the black. And on that day I began my search for my healer...

Through the years I wrote poems to her, how I needed her to come back once again. I would take walks into the Greenwood in hopes of seeing her there sitting under a birch tree or warming herself by my firepit, but she was never totally there. I always saw her out of the corner of my eye, and then when I'd look in that direction she'd be gone. I tried sending myself on Vision Quests, Spirit Journeys and Astral Projection to find her and though I didn't find her, I did although find the Old Gods; Hern, Diana, Cernunnos, the Horned God, King Stag the Lord of the Wild Hunt, etc. All of this only added to my magickal/spiritual growth, and my inner Sight only strengthened with each visit to my Meadow (the place I always start on my journeys with, I basically awaken there and then go wherever from that point). And through it all I saw the Bardess in the back-background watching me, waiting to shed her cloak and show me her face when I had become truly ready to see her face. She was always there but I could never get near her, and I understood and let her watch over me.

Then with the break up of a girlfriend I had no future with (wouldn't see myself with her in Vision Quests but instead with the Bardess), then she came out of the past. I had met her a year before and had felt strongly attracted to her but I didn't want to start a relationship at that time since the last one had only ended up with me being hurt more. When I saw her that day I saw an Angel and when I was with her nothing could touch me, the Blackened Man could not come near me when I was within her protective circle. And when I held her hand she sent shivers of Light up my arm and throughout my body, cleansing me, healing me. While trying to do one of my Meditations (when I focus upon an object in my mind for an extended period of time) I could not clear my mind of some thoughts. Therefore unable to picture a apple in my mind for more than ten minutes so finally I gave up and began searching my mind for what was not letting me meditate and I saw her face. Suddenly my picture of her changed and she was wearing a cloak, a blue cloak and she began to sing to me. I began to cry that night, crying not from sorrow but from total love. I had finally found my Bardess, the one who could erase the blemishes of darkness from my spirit and aura for all time, the one whom I could start afresh with, the one whom I could be with forever...

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